As far as I know, we closed on the sale of our house yesterday.This means that today I am free from a mortgage, home owner's insurance and real estate taxes (which always really annoyed me). I think I like this feeling of freedom. As I drove to the mechanic's last night, to leave my car for routine service, I could not stop smiling.
Now, this is the total opposite of where I was on Thursday when I cleaned the house and walked away for the last time. I thought I was doing great while I was cleaning, noticing all of the flaws in the house, thinking about how much work it would take to make it beautiful. Then as I walked through the kitchen for the last time, I broke down and sobbed. When you sell your house, you cannot change your mind in a few days. This is a final permanent choice...unless I choose to buy it back one day, which seems unlikely. It was painful to walk away. That surprised me. I expected to feel sad, but I did not expect it to hurt so badly. I finally went to the car, where I felt I could not leave. I just sat there sobbing for a bit. Then it began to rain. I felt like the Lord was weeping with me. What a sweet thought..that the Lord loves me so much that His heart ached with mine. As I drove to my parent's house, I kept thinking it would get better, but it pretty much hurt all night.
Really, for me, I think this was a tangible sign of the end of this season in my life. I am still facing the legalities of a divorce, but the emptiness of my house made it real. It felt final. The up side to this pain is that joy comes in the morning. Friday morning I felt better. I felt more free. But yesterday...yesterday when I knew that the closing was really happening..that was awesome. My precious friend, Janet, mentioned that maybe the wait from Friday to Monday for closing was God's way of making my heart ready. I think she is wise. Friday I was ready because the house was clean and empty and I wanted the band aid ripped off so I could heal. Yesterday, I wanted it done so I could have my money and get on with my life. I told Janet that I had cried and now I wanted to be paid for it!
Tomorrow I will get in my car and head to Kansas City, staying one night with my best friend, Deanna, on the way. I cannot explain the excitement, the longing in my heart to be in Kansas City. It is not the place itself, for I tell you it is not the most beautiful place I've ever been. It is who and what is there. I cannot wait to see my friends. I cannot wait to sit in the prayer room. I cannot wait to see Mia's face when she sees her friends and to see her dance before the Lord in the prayer room. I can barely stand it. I wish I could go today.
Do not misunderstand me though. I love my friends and family in Richmond. I could not have made it through this time without them. And, I love the prayer room at RIHOP. It is no sweeter to sit in the prayer room in KC than it is to sit in the prayer room in Richmond. It is just that there is something in my heart that I cannot explain that longs to be in KC right now. I am praying that the Lord will refresh and renew my heart while I am there, so that I will be prepared for what He has planned for me in Richmond.
I love my life. I love that I am on an adventure. I love that I am loved. I love that He is teaching me to trust Him. I feel happy, and I feel free.
Tuesday, July 14, 2009
Wednesday, July 1, 2009
True Christianity
James 1:27 "Pure and undefiled religion before God and the Father is this:to visit orphans and widows in their trouble to keep oneself unspotted from the world."
As a single, (almost)divorced mom, in the times of Jesus, I would have been considered a widow. Now, I do not find my plight so painful as the one of a woman whose husband has died, but sometimes I really do see how widow can apply to me as a single mom. Today, yet again, I was "visited in my trouble" by my precious friends Rob and Kelsey. They are humble people who would never exalt themselves for doing something that comes so naturally to them. They give and give and give. They are kind and generous and the love of Christ shines from them.
My car has been acting up for the past month. I knew it was the spark plugs, but I have not had the money or tools to get the problem fixed. Rob took my car this evening and had the spark plugs replaced. He filled my gas tank. Kelsey sat and listened and encouraged me as I shared the struggles of facing divorce and moving out of my house. Mia played happily with their children, who in their generosity bought her a snow cone.
This is a picture of the heart of Christ. This is religion that pleases the Father. They love us and care for us whenever they are able to do so. They listen to the still small voice that leads them to bless others. They choose to give ....of their love, their time, and their finances.
Thank you Jesus for my precious friends, for they reveal your heart to me time and time again.
As a single, (almost)divorced mom, in the times of Jesus, I would have been considered a widow. Now, I do not find my plight so painful as the one of a woman whose husband has died, but sometimes I really do see how widow can apply to me as a single mom. Today, yet again, I was "visited in my trouble" by my precious friends Rob and Kelsey. They are humble people who would never exalt themselves for doing something that comes so naturally to them. They give and give and give. They are kind and generous and the love of Christ shines from them.
My car has been acting up for the past month. I knew it was the spark plugs, but I have not had the money or tools to get the problem fixed. Rob took my car this evening and had the spark plugs replaced. He filled my gas tank. Kelsey sat and listened and encouraged me as I shared the struggles of facing divorce and moving out of my house. Mia played happily with their children, who in their generosity bought her a snow cone.
This is a picture of the heart of Christ. This is religion that pleases the Father. They love us and care for us whenever they are able to do so. They listen to the still small voice that leads them to bless others. They choose to give ....of their love, their time, and their finances.
Thank you Jesus for my precious friends, for they reveal your heart to me time and time again.
Tuesday, June 30, 2009
One Week
Mama just asked me what day was the actual moving date. I looked at the calendar and reality hit me like a concrete wall. If closing is the 9th, I need to have an empty house to clean on the 8th. So moving day is the 7th. ONE WEEK FROM TODAY!!! Wow.
This will no longer be where I call home or lay my head at night. I'm not sure how I really feel about this. On the one hand, it will be exciting to start a new adventure, but honestly I think that is romanticizing the truth of this move: I'm nervous and my heart is sad. I think it is the fact that this is a tangible sign of the end of my marriage. I mean, let's get real, it was over 2.5 years ago, but selling the house is a permanent kind of thing. Once we sell it that is it; it is gone..no longer ours. Closure, it is a beautiful, healthy, painful thing.
Today, we will be one step closer to all the "dump" items being gone. Almost all of the junk is out of the house and in the garage, waiting to be loaded on a truck and taken to the dump. I will probably send my sofa to the dump when I move, but I'd like to sit on it for the next week. Hardwood floors are rough on your butt...I'd rather not sit on them.
The next move is to get a Pod or a few Smartboxes here. I think that will be less stressful for me. I can pack it over a couple of days, and I do not need a truck to move my stuff.
Here is to one more week.
This will no longer be where I call home or lay my head at night. I'm not sure how I really feel about this. On the one hand, it will be exciting to start a new adventure, but honestly I think that is romanticizing the truth of this move: I'm nervous and my heart is sad. I think it is the fact that this is a tangible sign of the end of my marriage. I mean, let's get real, it was over 2.5 years ago, but selling the house is a permanent kind of thing. Once we sell it that is it; it is gone..no longer ours. Closure, it is a beautiful, healthy, painful thing.
Today, we will be one step closer to all the "dump" items being gone. Almost all of the junk is out of the house and in the garage, waiting to be loaded on a truck and taken to the dump. I will probably send my sofa to the dump when I move, but I'd like to sit on it for the next week. Hardwood floors are rough on your butt...I'd rather not sit on them.
The next move is to get a Pod or a few Smartboxes here. I think that will be less stressful for me. I can pack it over a couple of days, and I do not need a truck to move my stuff.
Here is to one more week.
Saturday, June 27, 2009
Progress and Miracles
The cleaning and fixing of the house is going surprisingly well. Damon I scraped and painted all that we could reach over the past 2 days. The upstairs windows, we will have to scrape and paint by hanging out of them...yay! Damon cleaned out all the junk from underneath the house yesterday, and I cleaned out the junk from the storage space (kind of like an attic) upstairs. I found receipts from bills that Damon's grandparents paid in 1958. I even found some of their old shoes. Clearly this was not all our stuff. On Tuesday, we will take everything from the garage to the dump, as well as all of the trash that Damon and I uncovered yesterday. I am so thankful for my Daddy. He is so willing to let us use his truck and to help anyway he can.
I have been packing stuff up as well. I have so much glassware. The bins full of my glass will probably take up more space than all of my clothes..hahaha.
It is so odd to think of not being here anymore. I have such an odd mixture of emotions. Sometimes I feel so sad about it. Other days I really feel the freedom of getting rid of stuff and having a clean slate in front of me. I can move anywhere...there is no mortgage or lease to hold me at this point. Of course, I mean within Richmond. Damon has made it clear that I cannot take Mia from him. If only I could merge my friends and family in Richmond with my friends and family in the midwest...or teleport. I could go back and forth whenever I want :)
Now, on to the miracle. In the last post I mentioned the porch needing to be fixed. Well, it was the porch, putting in a whole new window upstairs, putting in insulation under the "computer room", replacing a rotting window sill in a dormer window, and fixing a crack in the cinderblock foundation, along with the scraping and painting. I got a call on Wednesday evening saying that the buyer was going to do everything but the scraping and painting and only wanted $500.00 off of the selling price. I almost fell off of the sofa. To me, this is the favor of the Lord. Who does stuff like this? These are good folks and they really want the house, but I feel like this was a miracle. God likes me, what can I say?
It looks like if all goes as planned, we will close on July 9th. I can hardly believe I will be out of here in less than 2 weeks. I don't know how quickly I will have access to the money, but my plan is to get my car serviced and head to Belleville, IL to be with Deanna and then on to Kansas City, MO immediately. I want Mia to go to a camp at IHOP-KC which is July 16-18, and I want to see my friends and sit in the prayer room. I miss my friends in KC so badly that sometimes I just sit here and cry thinking of them. It will be so good to hug them and be with them.
Well, there is my update. It is going along quite well. I am amazed. I truly see the hand of God in it all. Now if only I knew where to live...(my parent's for the time being, but where will I land?)
I have been packing stuff up as well. I have so much glassware. The bins full of my glass will probably take up more space than all of my clothes..hahaha.
It is so odd to think of not being here anymore. I have such an odd mixture of emotions. Sometimes I feel so sad about it. Other days I really feel the freedom of getting rid of stuff and having a clean slate in front of me. I can move anywhere...there is no mortgage or lease to hold me at this point. Of course, I mean within Richmond. Damon has made it clear that I cannot take Mia from him. If only I could merge my friends and family in Richmond with my friends and family in the midwest...or teleport. I could go back and forth whenever I want :)
Now, on to the miracle. In the last post I mentioned the porch needing to be fixed. Well, it was the porch, putting in a whole new window upstairs, putting in insulation under the "computer room", replacing a rotting window sill in a dormer window, and fixing a crack in the cinderblock foundation, along with the scraping and painting. I got a call on Wednesday evening saying that the buyer was going to do everything but the scraping and painting and only wanted $500.00 off of the selling price. I almost fell off of the sofa. To me, this is the favor of the Lord. Who does stuff like this? These are good folks and they really want the house, but I feel like this was a miracle. God likes me, what can I say?
It looks like if all goes as planned, we will close on July 9th. I can hardly believe I will be out of here in less than 2 weeks. I don't know how quickly I will have access to the money, but my plan is to get my car serviced and head to Belleville, IL to be with Deanna and then on to Kansas City, MO immediately. I want Mia to go to a camp at IHOP-KC which is July 16-18, and I want to see my friends and sit in the prayer room. I miss my friends in KC so badly that sometimes I just sit here and cry thinking of them. It will be so good to hug them and be with them.
Well, there is my update. It is going along quite well. I am amazed. I truly see the hand of God in it all. Now if only I knew where to live...(my parent's for the time being, but where will I land?)
Monday, June 22, 2009
Oh the joy :\
It looks like Damon and I will be scraping and painting windows this week. I will also be doing much praying about the rotten brick steps on the front of the house. They have to be fixed, and from what I hear from my uncle, whose done this kind of work his whole life, it might be around $2000. That is a lot of money off of the price of the house in my opinion, especially since I feel like we are nearly giving it away. Stupid FHA loans. I don't want to complain though...the buyer is a nice guy and this is clearly not his doing, it is the bank's regulations. Also, I am so amazed that we have moved forward so quickly. I think this is somewhat rare, so I am thankful that if all goes well I will have very little debt in less than a month.
Next week I guess the craziness of cleaning out all of the junk in the shed, garage and attic will take place. I feel certain that once I spend a couple days doing that I will hate this house and want to run away from it..hahaha. I hope it teaches me a valuable lesson...do not be a pack rat. Throw things away! Do not collect clutter..be organized instead. Maybe if I repeat these things in my head from time to time, I will never allow this to happen again!
And in the middle of the scraping this week, I have to court on Wednesday to hopefully finish up the legal side of the accident from December. The guy didn't show last time..too sick apparently. The lawyer seems to think the guy is just scared he is going to jail and putting it off. We shall see.
Next week I guess the craziness of cleaning out all of the junk in the shed, garage and attic will take place. I feel certain that once I spend a couple days doing that I will hate this house and want to run away from it..hahaha. I hope it teaches me a valuable lesson...do not be a pack rat. Throw things away! Do not collect clutter..be organized instead. Maybe if I repeat these things in my head from time to time, I will never allow this to happen again!
And in the middle of the scraping this week, I have to court on Wednesday to hopefully finish up the legal side of the accident from December. The guy didn't show last time..too sick apparently. The lawyer seems to think the guy is just scared he is going to jail and putting it off. We shall see.
Sunday, June 21, 2009
Quickly
The selling of the house has moved much more quickly than I expected. It was shown 3 days before it was supposed to be listed, and the day it was to be listed (June 1) Damon and I accepted an offer. We are at the point now where some repairs have to be done in order for the bank to give the buyer the loan. If all goes well, then this house will no longer be ours after July 9th.
14 years ago in July we moved into this house. I was so happy to have it. This has been a good place to live, to grow up, to have a baby and watch her grow. The Lord is so kind...the memories that stand out in this house are good. I remember so many good times with Damon, with my friends, with Mia. My heart aches when I think about walking away the last time, turning the keys over to a stranger and never returning. Yet this is something I have to face and will face head on with confidence. I know it is the right thing to do. This part of my life is over. This chapter is ending. When I hand over those keys and walk away a new chapter begins, a chapter without the physical tie to the not so good memories, a chapter with great freedom, a chapter unmarred by poor choices, a chapter that appears blank to the naked eye. This chapter is filled with words though...a story written by the Living God who knows full well what the beginning, middle and end of the story was, is and will be in the end.
As I work on this house, clean it out and pack it up, I know that I am embarking on an adventure. This life is not my own. I have surrendered it to the Creator, so I take one step at a time trusting Him to lead me well. He is a good leader and He is trustworthy. I have no idea where I will land when I leave this house, but He knows.
So though my heart is sad and overwhelmed some days I know that what is coming is good ,even better than anything I have yet experienced. I am excited to see what is ahead...look out world, a free Amy is about to be unleashed.
14 years ago in July we moved into this house. I was so happy to have it. This has been a good place to live, to grow up, to have a baby and watch her grow. The Lord is so kind...the memories that stand out in this house are good. I remember so many good times with Damon, with my friends, with Mia. My heart aches when I think about walking away the last time, turning the keys over to a stranger and never returning. Yet this is something I have to face and will face head on with confidence. I know it is the right thing to do. This part of my life is over. This chapter is ending. When I hand over those keys and walk away a new chapter begins, a chapter without the physical tie to the not so good memories, a chapter with great freedom, a chapter unmarred by poor choices, a chapter that appears blank to the naked eye. This chapter is filled with words though...a story written by the Living God who knows full well what the beginning, middle and end of the story was, is and will be in the end.
As I work on this house, clean it out and pack it up, I know that I am embarking on an adventure. This life is not my own. I have surrendered it to the Creator, so I take one step at a time trusting Him to lead me well. He is a good leader and He is trustworthy. I have no idea where I will land when I leave this house, but He knows.
So though my heart is sad and overwhelmed some days I know that what is coming is good ,even better than anything I have yet experienced. I am excited to see what is ahead...look out world, a free Amy is about to be unleashed.
Thursday, May 21, 2009
Ugh..
Well, I signed the papers with a realtor today to put my house on the market June 1st. The whole thing freaks me out a lot more than I thought it would. I've lived here for 13 ..almost 14 years. I'm not one for lots of change..fairly stable person. Going to Kansas City was so clearly the will of the Lord,because I would NEVER do anything like that. It was crazy..picking up and leaving everything I know for 3 months..going somewhere where I only knew a couple people..and not very well. Of course, I absolutely lean on the Lord because He taught me in that time in KC that He really is my daddy...the one that takes care of me, protects me, and provides for me. This crazy transition will be no different. I trust that I can lean on Him to give me wisdom and strength.
I will also be needing a big boost of "OH MY GOSH I HAVE TO DE-CLUTTER IN A WEEK!" 13 years of crap..get ready..I am about to go crazy on you!
I will also be needing a big boost of "OH MY GOSH I HAVE TO DE-CLUTTER IN A WEEK!" 13 years of crap..get ready..I am about to go crazy on you!
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